There’s a saying in golf that goes “You don’t have to be good at golf to love it or play it.” However, golf etiquette is another story completely and quite necessary on the golf course.
Anybody who was taught to play this game the right way knows what we’re talking about – those unspoken rules of golf that show respect to your fellow players. You know; don’t step in someone’s line; don’t put your bag on the green; don’t talk while someone is swinging; etc.
The aforementioned rules are classic and well-known. But there are other, less obvious etiquette laws that golfers ignore all the time. Here are 10 discourteous acts that many uncultivated types employ on a regular basis.
Talking about How Great you Usually Play
We all know this person: “Boy, I can’t believe I just got another triple-bogey…Normally I break 80 at this course.” I wanna scream at the top of my lungs; “What are you, an idiot?! We both know that’s absolute bollocks!” You shouldn’t even be allowed on the golf course if you’re this guy. Seriously, we should be able to call in your ridiculousness along with an order on the ninth-tee. Then when we make the turn, a couple of rangers escort you to the parking lot, confiscate your clubs and send you home with a certified “never play golf again” card.
Hitting on the Cart Girl
This has got to be the worst come-on ever. It’s right up there with hitting on the waitress. Look, everybody knows she will probably be hot – that’s why she got the job in the first place. But we men inevitably regress into gawking Cro-Magnon’s and can’t help but treat these girls like they’re dancing on a pole instead of serving us a beer.
Throwing your Clubs
Sure, it might be funny for the first time or two someone follows-up a wretched shot with a toss of the old club. But if that same person is constantly flinging the war sticks across the fairway, it can get annoying fast. You’ve heard the saying “there’s no crying in baseball?” Well, there should be no temper-tantrums in golf.
Talking on your Cell Phone
In golf, unless you’re waiting at the turn, there’s no reason to be chatting away while walking up the fairway. And we guarantee the conversation won’t end just because it’s someone’s turn to hit – nope…you’ll just talk softer (but not soft enough) and inevitably will end the call by saying “OK, Bye” really loudly. How about keeping the phone in your bag and on mute during the round?
Swearing Profusely…at Yourself
It’s totally cool if you want to call yourself an “a-hole” after a poor shot. We get it – you’re frustrated and you needed to express yourself – completely understandable. But don’t go running away with it. There’s absolutely no reason to carry on verbally abusing yourself over a slice you’ve had since the 10th grade. Come on, where is your self-respect? Really, it’s embarrassing – for both you and your foursome.
Texting During Someone’s Swing
We know you think you’re being discreet by texting instead of talking, but we can still see your stupid fingers going a mile a minute in our peripheral vision. Isn’t golf hard enough without multitasking? There’s no reason to tweet about every shot, upload course pics to your Facebook page, or post an Instagram story about your triple bogey on the fifth hole.
Playing from the Wrong Tee Box
You know that pit in your stomach you get while waiting on the first hole and watching the hackers ahead of you flub all their drives? Well, we can live with that feeling…unless they are teeing off from the back tees. There is no greater frustration than this – getting behind a bunch of clowns teeing off from the tips when it’s obvious they should be playing from the forward tees. If you learn anything from this list, learn which tee-box you belong on.
Driving the Cart Like a Drunken Idiot
A good number of golfers feel like a golf cart is their own personal ATV…and most of the time alcohol is the reason for their reckless abandon. Perhaps this is why around 1,000 Americans a month are injured in golf cart accidents. Something rather juvenile overcomes people when they get behind that Plexiglas windshield. But remember – they’re there as caddies, not as bumper cars.
Giving Swing Advice When No One Asks for It
Who are these people and where do they come from? Every time we mention this to a fellow golfer, they agree with us: “Oh I hate that too!” But some of them must be hypocrites because there are way too many people out on the course giving swing advice who are not qualified to do so. If you’re an impromptu advice giver and are not a PGA-certified pro, please take this subtle hint: You’re not helping. Actually, you’re being annoying.
Minding Your Shadow
There are annoying people on the golf course, and then there are idiots who do this. Just because your shadow isn’t technically part of your body, you still need to be mindful of it. Nobody wants to read a 20-foot right-to-left slider through your stupidity. It’s amateurs’ lack of self-awareness that is truly mind boggling sometimes.