Golf excuses have been around for centuries. Whether you are a professional citing a soft mattress for back pain or an amateur blaming the type of grass, we all understand the inclination to assign blame for poor – but that doesn’t mean we won’t judge.
Here are 20 absurd excuses you may have used heard on a golf course.
My glutes wouldn’t activate.
Tiger Woods is the king of absurd excuses when it comes to the golf course. In fact, some of the lingo he uses is so far beyond the realm of comprehension for the average human that we are almost forced to believe it. Woods withdrew from the 2015 Farmers Insurance Open and then cited deactivated glutes as the reason.
Next time you play terrible, just tell your buddies your glutes wouldn’t activate. A story like that has to be true.
The grain didn’t do what it was supposed to do.
If you’re talking about grain, you’re already credible enough to use it as an excuse. Heck, you could even use it on non-Bermuda greens and chances are you’re buddies will probably still believe you. When in doubt blame the putting surface.
Water on the club face, bro.
"Water on the clubface, bro… water on the clubface. I got no chance!" Bubba to caddie Ted Scott #PrayForTedScott
— Brendan Porath (@BrendanPorath) August 8, 2014
While Bubba Watson’s excuse of “water on the club face” may actually be warranted, the fact that he said it out loud in public is what makes it so terrible. Try using this excuse with your weekly foursome after you miss a fairway by 40 yards. We dare you. You may not ever get invited back.
Are these holes regulation size?
Always a classic, asking if something is the regulation size is one of the easiest outs in the book. You know you’re better than the front nine 54 you just posted. It’s definitely the golf course’s fault.
My wisdom teeth hurt.
Remember when Rory McIlroy withdrew from the 2013 Honda Classic citing wisdom tooth pain. We sure do. Again may be slightly true, but come on man. However, it is sort of genius because unless your opponent is a dentist, there’s really no way they can call you on it.
My glove doesn’t fit right.
Are you kidding? Either get a new glove or get rid of it, because there aren’t many things worse than blaming an accessory you hand-picked.
I have a cold.
Using health as an excuse is a fine line. It’s when you use the common cold for your poor play that people will start questioning you as a person. So you have a case of the sniffles. Man up!
My tee was slightly chipped.
This is where it gets technical. While aerodynamics plays a role in golf, that’s not the reason why your drive didn’t make it passed the ladies tees.
I had to pop a bone back into place.
One of the most believable in the book. Nobody can argue with you because it happened so quickly the cameras didn’t even catch it. Blame that triple on the dislocated wrist, but I’m about to torch you on the back nine.
I just got my clubs regripped.
Another classic. What does this even mean? You got them regripped to improve your grip, feel and your overall game, didn’t you? If anything this should help you, but with a swing like that, nothing will.
I’m not good enough…
As proven by Sergio Garcia, even major champions will attribute their shortcomings to not being good enough. It could be a drive, approach, chip, putt. Really anything that requires skill can be attributed to not being good. Or maybe the golf gods are against you. Whatever the case, this self-deprecating excuse works every time.
The ground was too hard.
Nope. Not a chance we are buying this one. But nice try, though.
There is nothing quite like shouting at your divot after a poor shot. Judging by Bubba Watson’s reaction here, mud was the reason for the miss. Again, obviously mud affects ball flight, but it’s not the ground’s fault, nor is it the reason why you missed yet another green.
The grass was laying the wrong way.
Right. This is obviously the reason why your divot went further than the ball.
I was kidnapped.
While this is probably the most extreme excuse on out list, it is, still, in fact, an excuse. Who can forget about the time Robert Allenby missed the cut in Hawaii and then woke up looking like this claiming he was kidnapped. If you can convince your buddies that this is the reason for not showing up to your weekly game, more power to you.
My ex-wife bought me this driver.
Now it all makes sense why you haven’t hit a fairway in years.
I slept on a soft mattress the night before.
Tiger Woods once famously blamed a soft mattress for back pain during the 2013 Barclays. Yet, he said it with such conviction the public has no choice but to believe it. However, when you say it, nobody’s buying it.
I recently switched golf balls.
If you were a professional maybe we’ll believe you. But since you’re not, don’t even try and tell us your spin rates are the reason for your 26 handicap.
My arm is broken!
Blaming a broken bone seems to be a foolproof excuse fo a poor round. Hey, it worked for Al Czervick in Caddyshack!
When you snap hook literally every drive and insist you’ve been “working on my draw.”
Maybe you should work on your fade?