#Newsworthy9: Hitting the Links

In case you were too busy watching an unbelievably boring NFL Hall of Fame Game this weekend, here are a few notable storylines you may have missed.

1) Tiger Woods Wins for the Fifth Time This Year – Tiger basically owns Firestone CC at this point, right? His fifth win of 2013 at the WGC Bridgestone Invitational marked the eighth time he won a tournament at the golf course. Can we just hand him the keys to the place and be done with it? Seriously.

2) Inbee Park Doesn’t Win Her Fourth Major – Talk about a slump. Inbee Park failed to win the 2013 RICOH Women’s British Open last week, thus missing out on winning a fourth consecutive major championship. Her game is obviously in a downward spiral now, ultimately leading to the inevitable time when she’ll have to quit the game. Inbee Park is definitely not “back”.


3) Gary Woodland Wins the Reno-Tahoe Open – While Tiger was busy winning at Firestone, Gary Woodland was busy hitting 380+-yard drives and winning the Reno-Tahoe Open. Played in a modified stableford format, I was highly disappointed to not see any horses running around the course. I’m claiming false advertising.

4) “Maks” Might Return to Dancing With The Stars – In non-golf news, Dancing With The Stars heartthrob Maksim Chmerkovskiy is rumored to return to the show for Season 17. More importantly, I was able to correctly spell his name by allowing my cat to walk across my keyboard. Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.

5) Game of Thrones Wins Best Drama – The George R.R. Martin’s epic fantasy and blockbuster HBO series won Best Drama at last weekend’s TCA Awards. In a funny coincidence, the show also won the prestigious T&A Award for its propensity to show scantily clad lady folk during awkward storyline shifts.

6) Powerball Rolls Over Again, Fourth Biggest in US History – Nobody won the Powerball lottery last weekend, thus sky-rocketing the jackpot to an astounding $400 million. Meanwhile, there is still no cure for cancer, world hunger remains unsolved and nobody can tell me where A-Rod is going to work. My priorities are apparently flawed.

7) Two Shark Attacks in Four Days in Hawaii – Public beaches have been forced to close in Hawaii following two nasty shark attacks last weekend. And all of you were laughing when you watched Sharknado a few weeks ago. Let this be a lesson to all of us: always listen to Tara Reid. Nothing can ever go wrong. I promise.

8) Jennifer Aniston Goes without Makeup on Instagram – For some reason, the former Friends bombshell Aniston posted a picture of herself without makeup on Instagram a couple days ago. Shockingly, she is still drop-dead gorgeous. Thanks for making us all feel crappy, Jen!


9) US Swimmer Cordes Gets His Team DQ’d – Kevin Cordes had a tough weekend at the world championships in Spain. After ‘jumping the gun’ a bit early in the men’s individual relay – thus disqualifying the Americans in the event – Cordes had to spend the next 20 minutes explaining what ‘disqualification’ meant to Ryan Lochte.

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